ask me for my ello!
alright, i’m in that perfect food coma moment where i can relax enough for the story to come out but not sleepy enough to pass out. so let the story commence!
about a year ago i started to experience a pinched nerve in my butt. yeah real nice, right? i had trouble sitting certain ways, and eventually it got so bad that i had trouble walking or sleeping. i asked the doctor about this, but he just said it was a pinched nerve and prob nothing wrong. he prescribed my old painkillers from back when my intestines were calcifying. old friends i guess haha
three months later i couldnt walk around my own house. i went in and got an mri and found out my spine’s a little messed up and they started giving me all these meds to reduce my nerve pain. i started to get addicted to my painkillers.
after a few months of spine injections, therapy, and a looooot of painkillers, i was depressed. i was on two very powerful depressant meds, plus popping painkillers left and right… i was pretty miserable just to be able to function. i stressed myself out to the point where i’d be sleeping 4 hours a day and work the rest. i was going crazy and i didnt know what to do.
even at the lowest point, though, i wasnt doing much bette: my shoulder started to hurt, and pretty soon i found out my arm is really shot to pieces. i slowly watched me lose my ability to draw… the only thing i had left, really. how else am i gonna make money if i cant draw? i was killing myself with guilt.
i eventually picked up that the meds i was on was doing a lot of that to me; so i stopped cold turkey and the depression is manageable enough: i know how to deal with it.
several mri’s later, i found out i have a brain tumor
popping close to 30 pills a day and still suffering, i couldn’t take this lifestyle anymore. i went through with the soonest surgery date. he didnt tell me the odds, and im glad i didnt know. i didnt have a very high success rate: the tumor was growing right on a major artery, and that artery was also connected to that brain sack that held all my nerves. if i was lucky, i’d be paralyzed from the collar bones on down. i had some complications (which ended with three blood transfusions and a chunk of my vertebrae removed) but i’m here. i’m not only alive, but im functioning and im able to draw. i’m not sure who, how, or why, and honestly i am not about to question. im grateful for this.
this whole issue made me realize how much im missing in life. i was so busy worrying about the future i forgot about enjoying the present. and yeah, the ten days with shitty internet in an insane asylum didn’t help me go a little crazy. but there’s life out there! we should always learn how to stop and spend parts of your day to just sit and enjoy the silence. it gets a little weird, but once you get used to it: it’s really nice. i can hear my creativity coming back and i’m really excited to have a new outlook on my life and art. i have so many ideas and comics and stories to tell, it feels wonderful to be so excited about being creative again!
and what’s even better? all my favourite artists/creative people are writing me and supporting me, i feel like i’m surrounding myself with so much creativity and happiness, how can i go wrong? this is what i originally got into the art business for; why not actually experience joy when you work?
yeah, so i plan on getting weird. i plan of coming up with fundraisers for comics, conventions, prints, and small projects. i just need to heal enough to be able to start working. i can almost sketch every day! i hope you dont mind my future batshit crazy moments; i’m not apologizing for them haha
if anyone is interested in more information or following a blog thats got more info than here: check out my tumblr! cak3shasatumor.tumblr.com/